


Hit By A Vehicle Equals Transported To Middle Earth

by Skywolf42



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: CONFETTI!!!!, Cold Hard (yet hilarious) Logic, Doctor Who Timey Whimey Spacey Wacey Mumbo Jumbo, Funny, Gandalf's Dick, Multi, Occasional swearing, Petrified Trolls, Trucks, Vodka!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-11
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-05-01 03:19:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5190128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skywolf42/pseuds/Skywolf42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm on metaphorical crack today. Or Kili-muse is. Not sure. This is about the interestingly popular usage of horrible accidents involving being hit by a vehicle of varying kinds to get a modern day OC into Middle Earth. Each chapter is another version. I did Version 1 the way I did because I was feeling a bit coldly logical at the time. It's meant to be funny, not offensive. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Version 1

Once upon a time there was a woman who was way too infatuated with the Hobbit. She wanted to go to Middle Earth so badly, she finally decided that it was worth trying the hit-by-a-vehicle-and-wake-up-in-Middle-Earth approach.  
So she stood on the edge of the Highway and ran in front of an oncoming truck. It hit her and everything went black. And she knew nothing more ever because she was dead and in her world, afterlives are as much a human fantasy as Middle Earth.  


The End.


	2. Version 2

Once upon a time there was a woman who was way too infatuated with the Hobbit. She wanted to go to Middle Earth so badly, she finally decided that it was worth trying the hit-by-a-vehicle-and-wake-up-in-Middle-Earth approach.  
So she stood on the edge of the Highway and ran in front of an oncoming truck. It hit her and everything went black.  
When she came to, she was in a beautiful forest…. With an orc slavering over her. It stabbed her in the heart and there was a brief moment of horrendous agony before everything went black and she was transported back to her world because apparently to go to Modern Earth you have to be stabbed in the heart by an orc blade. But unfortunately she was already dead there so she was just dead.  


The End.


	3. Version 3

Once upon a time there was a woman who was way too infatuated with the Hobbit. She wanted to go to Middle Earth so badly, she finally decided that it was worth trying the hit-by-a-vehicle-and-wake-up-in-Middle-Earth approach.  
So she stood on the edge of the Highway and ran in front of an oncoming truck. It hit her and everything went black.  
However because the laws of physics were different in that universe, her atoms flew apart in every direction at the speed of light. And because of the sudden appearance of another worldly body, it caused a complete destabilisation within the fabric of space-time inside the Middle Earth universe. So the entire universe collapsed in on itself to a single point and disappeared into oblivion.  


The End.


	4. Version 4

Once upon a time there was a woman who was way too infatuated with the Hobbit. She wanted to go to Middle Earth so badly, she finally decided that it was worth trying the hit-by-a-vehicle-and-wake-up-in-Middle-Earth approach.  
So she stood on the edge of the Highway and ran in front of an oncoming truck. It hit her and everything went black.  
When she awoke, she found herself – finally! – in the arms of the character she was most infatuated with…. Fili of the line of Durin.  
She seduced him and they fell in love then fell in battle together. She went with him to Mahal’s Halls where they feasted and fucked for the rest of their existences…. 

The End.


	5. Version 5

Once upon a time there was a woman who was way too infatuated with the Hobbit. She wanted to go to Middle Earth so badly, she finally decided that it was worth trying the hit-by-a-vehicle-and-wake-up-in-Middle-Earth approach.  
So she stood on the edge of the Highway and ran in front of an oncoming truck. It hit her and everything went black.  
She came to, blinking in the bright light flooding the small clearing she found herself in. The dwarves of Thorin Oakenshield’s company were trussed up in sacks, looking rather disturbed as the watched something behind her. She turned around, to see Gandalf ramming his thick hairy cock repeatedly into the behind of a stone troll as it petrified in the dawn’s rays…. Then stilled and looked down with a worried frown as he tugged gently at the softening appendage. Then he grimaced and tugged harder, yelping in pain as the stone scraped harshly along the sensitive sides. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The great and powerful Gandalf…. fused by his dick…. to a now-stone troll’s anus.  
The Grey Wizard changed colour completely to an alarming shade of blue, farted a rainbow, then exploded into tons of brightly coloured confetti.  


Then she woke up. And vowed never to drink pure Vodka again.

Ever.

The End.


End file.
